I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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