i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize