I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
