Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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