time to smoke my breakfast
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
