made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
