No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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