it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
