you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
