Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
