Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
