I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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