i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
