i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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