I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize