Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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