Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
