My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
