Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize