Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
