FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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