everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
