i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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