with your own penis?
i jhust puked up my retainher.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
