Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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