Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
