I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
