one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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