Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
