im drinking this country out of the recession.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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