I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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