Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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