I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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