Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
