A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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