There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
