WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
