So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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