just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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