When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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