After last night, I could never be a politician.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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