people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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