Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
