why didn't you poke me back
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
