Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
