I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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