I showed him my bush... on skype.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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