everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We had to coat check the pizza.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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