My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
