don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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