Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
