Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
