i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
