I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You're a waste of cheezeits
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
