just tell him i said nine months
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Rumble strips road head = magical
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
