I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
