I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
