in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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