I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
