my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
