she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
