I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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