i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
