I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
