i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
