i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
