I want to stick my p in your. b.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
