Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
