In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
