I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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