So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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