the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
