I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
